I Have a Confession To Make To My Husband But How Do I Go About It?
Posted: Saturday, April 11, 2009
by David Aiki
freelance
Samantha grew up with her grandmother. She was advised by the old woman to safeguard her marriage, no matter what it would take. When Samantha met Henry, she brought him to her grandmother for prayers. After the wedding, Samantha brought her grandmother to Lagos to stay with her. The woman played a role in Samantha's life, which she would never forget.
Nnenne expected them to stay a little, maybe try other men and see if they could get pregnant. I even had to ask her in confidence and she opened up to me because we were close and I grew up with her. Her voice still rings a bell in my mind. I don't know why your educated sisters cannot make good use of their brains. In Igboland, a man cannot be said to be barren. Never ! When you tell your husband to get check himself he could impregnate you, So in order not to be chased away from your husband's house by his mother and the in-laws, you help him by looking for help outside. But be very careful. I used to wonder at the serious on her face while she was saying this".
Samantha's grandmother said that it was only the mother of a child that the true paternity of the child. No right thinking mother would confess to her husband that he was not the true father of her son, not even when she is mad, the grandmother would say.
As Samantha couldn't tell her sisters what their grandmother meant by saying that they should try everything possible to get pregnant, she kept it to herself. How could I tell my sisters such a thing? I'm the youngest of them all and my immediate elder sister, Celia, is a born again Christian, who takes her fertility drugs daily, but avoids her husband like a plague. Her faith is unshakable because when I remind her to sleep with her husband regularly, she would quote copiously from the Holy Book how God aided Elizabeth, the mother of John, and she had John when she could not deter her"
When Samantha met Henry, who was madly in love with her, she brought him to her grandmother, who preyed for them. In granny's prayers, she said children would not be lacking in your marriage even if it means going the extra mile for children to come.
She said that she would land us some legs for us to walk there and get the children. I understood what she meant. But Henry, who didn't understand her, cheerfully chorused "amen'.
During the wedding, Granny was one of the women on the high table. "You needed to see how she decked herself in gold. Henry even noticed that and whispered to her that she looked really gorgeous. She stole the show from my mother, who always liked to be simple"
When Samantha moved her things to her matrimonial home in Lagos , she took her aged grandmother along with her. " I brought her so that I would ensure she received her medication. She was getting really old and was diabetic because of old age. So, I would make sure she ate what she ought to eat and avoid those one her doctor said she shouldn't. So, she was happy to come with me. Moreover, I opened a shop in front of Henry's house, where she sold jewelry. And being a goldsmith, she could wash gold for her customers, a trade she inherited from her late mother."
Samantha and her husband employed a maid, who was cleaning the house and washing Granny's cloths. All seemed to be going on well until five years into the marriage and there was no issue. Samantha's grandmother was worried than Samantha. "Nnenne, I don't want you to be worked up over this. Henry is not disturbing me and I think God will do it at His own time.
"Don't wait until your husband stars having sleepless nights over that. I wouldn't want to be inside the stream and soap get into my eyes."
"What has soap got to do with what we are saying?."
"Keep quiet. That's a proverb. I don't know why those so-called educated ones would want to have every proverb interpreted for them. What I mean is that I won't be here and watch you become barren like your sisters.
Have you been to the hospital?"
"Yes, Nnenne, I have. My doctor said he didn't see anything wrong with me."
"Kpam," she said, clapping loudly. " The doctor you are talking about, is he not that handsome young man? My doctor too?
"Yes, Nnenne. He even sent his regards." "That doctor is well brought up. If not that you are married to Henry already, that man would have been a good suitor."
"He is married and he has four children already. You don't talk like this," Samantha snapped and began to walk away.
"Don't walk away. I will advise you to get closer to your doctor so that he would advice you more. Let him be your friend; such a person will not allow you to be drowned in the ocean of life. I know him for that."
"You know him since when, Nnenne? You are sounding as if you have met Dr. Garry even before you came to Lagos ".
"I'm older than you, my grandchild. I use my inner eyes to see what you can't see. That young man is nice and down to earth."
"You are right. He even said he wouldn't mind coming to the house to treat you, check your blood sugar, your blood pressure and all that."
At that, the old woman smiled. Each time the doctor came home to treat Samantha's grandmother, she would tell good stories of the man to her granddaughter. Then any time the doctor came home to treat her nobody was home, she would tell the doctor how he would have been a good match foe her grand daughter. "Both of you are of the same height; tall and slim. I hear that tall, slim men are strong in everything, even making children; not short one like my son-in-law, Henry, I know if Samantha hear this, she would want to swallow me alive," she giggled. The doctor merely laughed, happy that the old woman was happy. When he was through with her treatment, she told him to sit for a while and the doctor agreed. "How do you see my grandchild, Samatha?"
Before the doctor could respond, she added, "She really like you, but, you see, she is shy and feels it isn't proper telling you she is getting frustrated because of her childless situation.
"Mama, there is nothing to be worried about. I have checked her and nothing is wrong. She still ovulates. I have written out for her dates when she should be meting her husband. She told me she started doing that since three months now."
"And since those three months, nothing has happened. That is one funny thing about very short men. I nearly told her not to marry Henry when I saw him, but because they said they loved each other, I kept quiet."
" Mama, it has nothing to do with height. All is well, I'm going back to the hospital."
"My son, before you go, bear it in mind that Samantha really likes you to get closer to her. You are her only confidant. Please get closer to her."
The doctor dashed out, wondering what the old woman was getting at. When Samantha returned from work, her grandmother told her something similar to what she told Dr. Garry. "That young doctor came here. He really like you. He confided in me that he doesn't know how to tell you he wants to get closer to you. Why don't you confide in your doctor?"
"I don't know where you are heading for Mama, I wouldn't want to do what you have in mind. Please, let me be."
Samantha's grandmother did not stop talking about Dr. Garry after that. One evening, Henry and Samantha had a shouting match. Her grandmother told them not to use their fist, but they could exchange words because "it is natural in marriage." When Henry started abusing his wife verbally the old woman was mute. She busied herself eating better kola, which she chewed loudly like chewing gum. She ate it as if her life depending on the whitish kola. When Samantha started crying in her room, she walked to her room and saw her parking some of her things into a small bag. "Where are you going to ? I hope you are going to see your doctor? Don't check into any hotel because the hotel can be raided at night like what happened to your mother when she once left your father after a slight quarrel. She checked into a cheap hotel. Before morning, police came there and arrested everybody, including your mother. It took almost eternity for her to wriggle out of the case. So, better go to the hospital. Call the doctor on the phone first."
Samantha looked at her granny and wondered how she knew she was heading for a cheap hotel in the neighborhood. Her story pt fear in her, She called Garry's number and the man picked the phone.
"Hello doctor. I'm on my way to see you. Are you in the hospital?" She asked tearfully.
"I'm not in the hospital right now, but don't worry I will meet you there if it is an emergency. But wait, are you crying? You don't need to. Just dry your tears, okay?"
"Okay, but I need to see you, sir."
When Samantha saw Dr. Garry, she broke down in tears. He asked what was wrong, but she was choking with tears. Dr. Garry took her to his inner chamber, where he used to take a nap when he is tired. Samantha sat first on the only cushion chair there. "No, come over here and stretch out, laying face down. Dr. Garry applied some body relaxing cream on his palms and started massaging her back and shoulder. As he did that, Samantha cooed and told him to do it more. The massaging gradually metamorphosed to another thing.
Readers, keep a date with us next week as you get to know what happened between Samantha and Dr. Garry, and how her grandmother felt when she told her.
It was a rainy day, which made Samantha to return late from work. She had always found it difficult driving I the rain, and the traffic that night didn't help matters. And Henry-her husband-had vowed never to eat meals prepared by the housemaid. So, he waited for his wife for some time so that he could have dinner. He didn't want to disturb his aged mother-in-law for dinner.
When his wife didn't return on time, he settled for snacks and retired to his room. By the time Samantha drove in, Henry was already infuriated. He didn't to his wife's reason for returning late. " I have told you times without number to resign from that job if it will make me to be starving. I had to eat snacks, despite the fact that snacks do cause me constipation. I have been starving, woman, "Henry raged.
"Sorry dear, but at times like this Rose can warm the food in the microwave. I cooked the meal myself and she can warm it and dish it for you; that's all," said Samantha.
"You hear how you sound? Just listen to yourself. I don't even know why I should stand here and argue with you. You will never own up to your fault. That was how you came back from hospital the other day and you blamed me for your barrenness. You said your doctor said I should come for a medical examination. Can you imagine such rubbish? You don't have respect for me as your husband. If you can just give me one tenth of the respect you have for your doctor I will be happy."
"But Henry, I've never insulted you once Never," She replied.
"Telling me to go to the hospital and have myself checked if I could impregnate you is enough insult, whereas you are the one who is barren. My elder brother has three children; my immediate elder brother has a set of twins the other day. So, what are you talking about? Yours is in your linage and instead of finding a solution to your problem, you are looking for whom to shift the blame to."
At that. Samantha burst out crying, and held Henry by his shirt. That was when Samantha grandmother, who had been all ears since the shouting match started, spoke.
"Don't be physical about it. You can talk, of course, and iron it out verbally, but don' use your first. Do you hear me Samantha? Leave your husband".
Samantha did just that, but asked Henry a question he couldn't answer." But why did you raise this issue of bareness now? Why?. You know I hate to talk about it ever since you swore never to go for medical examination. So, why did you raise it.?"
Samantha walked away sobbing going to her grandmother, who took solace in her bitter kola whenever she was annoyed or tense She advised her to go see her doctor and probably sleep there. I hope you are going to see your doctor. He may give you some drugs that will calm your nerves".
"Nnenne, I'm tired of taking drugs; sleeping tablets, fertility tablets and what have you put me off," said Samantha.
"But that young doctor has some soothing words that can make difference to your life. Just imagine how he tries to calm me down before checking my blood pressure? He is a good man and huge man. I'm sure mere counseling from him will do the magic," her grandmother insisted.
The way her grandmother described Garry quickly registered in Samantha's brain. As she was packing a few things into her bag, Garry flashed her memory and she found herself soliloquizing; "Yes, I think Nnenne is right. Garry is handsome and huge. I think I would consider getting close, even closer to him; but how do I go about this?"
"What did you say? You were whispering some things, Nnenne asked.
"No, I was talking to myself."
"Don't allow your situation to affect your brain. Just go and see your doctor and tell him what you are going through. That man is a human being; that's what I know."
Before Samantha left for the hospital, she called her doctor and he agreed to meet her at the hospital.
When Garry saw her, he knew that Samantha had been crying. Don't tell me you have been crying for long? Your eyes are swollen."
Samantha wanted to respond, but she was choking with tears; "Don't say anything. You need to relax your nerves first."
Garry too her to his inner chamber and offered her his bed. "Come over here and stretch out." Samantha obeyed like a baby and lay face down. He gently pulled blouse up and unlocked her bra. "But this is too tight. This alone can cause you headache."
That was when Samantha giggled, "My grandmother said I should wear something tight enough so that my breasts can remain firm till I'm 50. I don't want to go into details."
"That reminds me of your grandmother. She is such a pleasant old woman. There is no dull moment with her."
Garry prepared a special tea that relaxes the nerves for Samantha and told her to sip it. When she was through with the tea, he applied some body massaging oil on his palm and started stroking Samantha's shoulders and back. She cooed and pleaded for more. His hands worked so well that she was aroused, something that had not happened to her for quite some times. She thought to herself, "It's true I do stay with Henry because I don't want to follow my sister's footsteps. That one cherishes her fertility drugs more than sleeping with her husband. But I who is faithful when it comes to staying with my husband does that just to see if I could get pregnant. Foreplays and what have you, which couples do, are long dead in my relationship."
Garry's touches ignited some feelings in her that she had thought were long dead. Gradually, one thing led to another and both suddenly stopped seeing themselves as doctor and patient. Garry apologized in the morning. " Sorry. Oh my God, what did I do? I was carried away. Please do forgive me."
"Me too, but that's alright. I hope none of your nurses knew we spent the night there together?"
"Oh, those ones? My nurses are all mature women. There is a doctor I employed for night duties. Except when there are complications, they do not call me in the night. Don't worry. Your secret, no, our secret, will remain secret."
That marked the beginning of a relationship between Samantha and Garry.
Her grandmother didn't ask what happened when she returned from the hospital. She never even frowned when Samantha would sit with Garry and discuss for a long time after the doctor had finished with Nnenne's medical check-up. The old woman was happy when her grandchild got pregnant. She had the baby safely. Her joy knew no bounds. The old woman named the baby, a boy, Obijulu, which means my heart is calm now. When the second baby arrived, Granny named him Ikemefuna, meaning, my strength or my effort will not be in vain.
Samantha, however, knew the paternity of her two sons. She knew they were not Henry's sons. But she dared not tell him. But her grandmother sometimes sang funny lullabies to the babies: Wherever you people came, whosoever your father is, the major thing is that you came at the right time." She knew they were not Henry"s sons, but she dared not tell him. But her grandmother sometimes sang funny lullabies to the babies: "Wherever you people came from, whosoever your father is, the major thing is that you came at the right time. "She would sing and dance happily for them, but Samantha would not utter a word.
Shortly after that, Samantha's grandmother died. When the couple saw how the woman passed on from her sleep, they realized that there was only a thin line between life and death. "Nnenne's death scared Henry, who said that we should get closer to God. After her burial, Henry came home, bought Bibles for me and children's Bibles for his sons. He came to me one night, woke me up and knelt down, apologizing to me and asking me to forgive him for any bad thing he might have done. He said he came to me because he would want to make heaven. I was cold to my feet that Henry could be that moved. He said he was ready to make confessions to me if need be, but that he has not done anything to confess about."
Samantha was confused. She became worried the more after hearing a sermon in Henry's car radio when they were coming back from an evening service one day. "The preacher was preaching as if he knew what I did; as if he knew the true father of my children was another man, not my husband. He said that was a sin that killed both the body and soul. He said the only way out was to confess to one's husband. I was deeply worried and scared. But suddenly I heard my late grandmother's voice in my mind: No woman can confess to her husband that he is not the father of her children, not even a mad woman.' That hardened my heart."
But on the Sunday that followed, the man of God still preached on the same topic. "My fears came back to haunt me. My grandmother, who was my only confidant, was dead, I'm sure she would have found a way round my worries. My mother would spit at me if I should share my secret with her. Garry had relocated to England with his family and I'm here with my secret sin. Henry loves my two sons so much that he had started making investments for them and buying properties in their names. Such a confession will break him in pieces. How do I go about it? Must I confess before God can forgive me?'
Readers, over to you. What do you think Samantha should do? Must she confess to her husband before God can forgive her? Can she do such confessions in her closet and be forgiven, since God is omnipresent?
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